Tough Love Parenting Style Prepares Children Better for the Future
Source: Flickr Photo: Vlad the Impala
As parents of two very young kids, my wife and I constantly struggle to figure out a consistent parenting style that we can call our own. I am much more easy going, generally letting the young ‘uns explore and play as they wish and only intervening when they are about to hurt themselves or get into a fight. I figure, they do what they are doing because they are curious and this is all a part of the learning process. I have been known to let the kid finish his fall, when it is safe, so he understands that there is a cause and an effect!
My wife on the other hand is quick to point out dos and don’ts to them and does not hesitate to say no when needed. There have been times when I have looked on in amazement at the tone of my wife’s voice when she is busy teaching one of those life’s lessons feeling that the sternness is uncalled for. I cannot bear to see my kids in tears. Next thing I know, the kids have actually listened to her and are jumping all over her and there is laughter all around.
Here is the thing: we both love our children and freely express our love. There is no doubt about it. And both of us have the same goals: to raise our kids to be respectful, smart and curious. But our parenting styles are very different. I have always wondered which style works best.
It turns out that tough-love parenting as practiced by my wife does a better job of raising rounded and well developed character in children. At least, that is the verdict of this study done by the think tank Demos in UK.
According to the study, this result is consistent across all social and income demographics. Your parenting style has more impact on how your kids will eventually turn out than whether you are rich or poor, blue collar or white collar, single parent or a dual parent household or any thing else.
I know there are many who will not agree with this finding or will counter with their own examples but one thing to remember is that this is a statistical study. What that means is that this may not be the best style for each individual family, although I have to say that it does make some intuitive sense.
Personally, I reserve my judgment. What do you think?
Photo Credit: Vlad the Impala under Creative Common License
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Tough love parenting is very important. Those agemates of mine that were over protected have not turned out so well. I think that soft parenting is one of the major reasons why people in their thirties still live at home with their parents. But there should be a limit in that they must not be treated harshly to the point that they would rather live in the streets that live under your roof.
I think it is more about setting clear rules and having expectations, and offering real consequences when necessary, then really tough love. My son knows that if he acts out he will not get what he wants, and he will be sitting in his room by himself. We make it clear that we expect certain behavior, and we back it up with consequences that we can follow through with.
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